10 Stupid Habits That Lead to Porn Relapse, and How to Eliminate Them

There are two ways to tackle triggers when trying to beat an addictive habit. One is to go head-on at them "to build resilience," and the other is to avoid them at all costs. I’ve heard people succeed doing the first one, but it is risky and often useless because the second works just as well. This article focuses on the second option. We will ruthlessly eliminate every conceivable trigger because success at staying away from addiction is the first thought in our minds. We have nothing to prove here; we just want to be free once and for all. Call us cowards for blocking sexualized social media influence from our lives, but would you call an alcoholist brave for going to the bar every now and then just so he can prove he is not tempted? No, you’d likely call said alcoholic a fool. Stay out of the bar; you’ve got no business there anyway. Use the time to do something more productive.

Without further ado, let’s get to the list. I’ve listed the most common and stupid things people do to sabotage their progress and how to intelligently avoid them. (I’ve also done almost all of these very stupid things before, so I’m not just being a judgmental asshat when I say they are indeed stupid things if you wish to succeed at nofap, semen retention, or simply being porn-free.) I’ll go in order from the most ordinary and stupid to the less ordinary but still stupid habit that must be eliminated.

1. Needlessly swiping on social media or dating apps

Ask yourself this, and be honest with the answer: what are you using these apps for? Is it A) entertainment or B) something useful such as income or learning? Even if you answered the B, how often does it happen that you go onto these apps to learn and get sidetracked, swiping something you don’t even remember ten minutes later? You snap out of it an hour later and don’t even know where the time went. Unless your income genuinely depends on these apps, don’t use them. They are a time sink, and they are porn lite. You might think that you need dating apps to meet women, but it’s likely that if you look deep within yourself, you aren’t even ready to date yet; you should be doing self-improvement. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but try swallowing it anyway. Your streaks will thank you for it. Delete all the needless "entertainment" and time-wasting apps. Try reading a book or two for education and entertainment. Your dopamine receptors will reset faster. And one more thing: boredom isn’t deadly. In fact, it’s good for creativity. Try being bored for a chance. Nobody needs stimulation all the time.

2. Oggling at girls

Artificial stimuli is often discussed, but real-life perversions are neglected, although they are detrimental as well. I used to be in the camp long ago that if it’s not artificial, then go ahead, but I’ve since wised up.
  Turning your head to look at an arse when you’re walking, might be tempting, and you might be inclined to think that you "deserve" this "little bit of enjoyment". You are abstaining so well, right? Well, ask yourself, what voice is that, which speaks so? Is it your true voice or the voice of addiction? I’m not saying that looking isn’t natural or that it’s despicable, and you should be ashamed of yourself for doing it. It’s hard to avoid, but as with other less savory behaviors that are hard to avoid, when you catch yourself, stop. The worst is if you find yourself engaging in voyeurism or "peeping Tom" behavior. Perhaps you know what I mean: staring from your window at the cute neighbor or making a detour by the beach to catch a glimpse at the bikini babes. Where do you think this kind of behavior leads to? Not finding a quality woman, that’s for sure. It’s just the same kind of sex addiction behavior, lust, and perversion that porn is all about.

3. Mindless scrolling

Very similar to the number 1, but this is a bit more general kind of scrolling. You want to avoid being mindlessly on the internet. Don’t surf, unless you're on the beach. For a porn addict or someone who’s trying to avoid porn, the internet is a dangerous beast. Only approach it with a purpose in mind. You might start with an educational video on YouTube but find yourself watching some funny meme video that you clicked because it had a cute face or a pair of boobs on the thumbnail. This is a one-way road to Relapse-City. Step away from the internet for a while if you find yourself going down this road.

4. Fantasizing or daydreaming

I’m of course not talking about daydreaming about your purpose, your side hustle, or how you’re going to crush it at the gym today. I’m talking about lust. You need to wean yourself out of this habit. Especially dangerous is fantasizing about porn because you want nothing to do with it. What’s not as obvious is sex fantasizing. Getting aroused by daydreams only leads to frustration and doesn’t help you reach your goals or finding a quality partner.

5. Touching your wang needlessly

Deep-grained habits are hard to get rid of; we all know that. Especially when those habits are so deeply ingrained that we don’t even recognize we are doing them; they are completely on autopilot. Touching yourself, as embarrassing as it is to talk about, might be one of those habits. You might wash yourself a bit too long and carefully down there in the shower. Or you might have a habit of playing with it in bed. Or you might have a habit of sticking your hand into your pants while watching a movie. It feels nice to touch it, after all, and we guys are notoriously obsessed with our little buddies. There is nothing wrong with this, of course, but the problematic downside is that it might make you aroused and contribute to the relapse. The answer, of course, is to notice yourself doing it and consciously remove your hand from your junk.

6. Using your phone in the morning

Bad habit that starts your day off on the wrong foot. The way you start is often the way you end up finishing. Besides, in the morning, straight after waking up, none of us are at our best. Our self-control is at its weakest as well. For all of these reasons and probably more, using your phone right after waking up is a bad idea.

7. Using your phone before sleeping

The other side of the coin of the previous point. Again, you are not at your strongest to avoid urges and temptations when you are sleepy. Besides, using screen devices before bedtime messes with your circadian rhythm. How about reading a book instead?

8. Hot showers

Look, I perfectly understand the pleasure of taking a long, hot bath, but if you are addicted to masturbation, it might be a triggering event for you. It sure as hell was for me. Something about the warm heat and hands massaging one’s own body with possibly slippery soap-coated hands. . . . And besides, something about warm showers just begs for "I don’t want to leave just yet". They always seem to take longer than the cold showers. Cold showers are all business. Nobody wants to stay longer than necessary. They save time, invigorate and energize you instead of making you sluggish and satisfied, are better for your skin, and no way in hell will you be tempted to pleasure yourself while taking one. For all these reasons, I prefer cold showers to hot ones.

9. Waking up late

Sleep is important; that’s beyond question. But sleeping too much is as unhealthy as sleeping too little— did you know that? Waking up late is the same as having a bad morning routine: it sets you up for the day on the wrong foot. I was a champion of late sleepers my whole life. I should know. I drew all kinds of incredulous looks when admitting to sleeping past ten, eleven, or even twelve, one, or in the worst cases, two o’clock in the evening. In reality, the day is already gone if you wake up that late. The best hours, at least. There is something productive and golden about the morning hours. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about "whipping one off" after waking up at five, having a great morning routine, and getting to work, but the opposite was true when I used to wake up whenever.

10. Going to sleep late

The flipside of waking up late is going to sleep late, of course. This is doubly perilous if you have a habit of sitting on the internet while doing this. A good, regular day rhythm simply makes life easier. Abstaining becomes easier as well. You are less tempted to do stupid things when you’re in bed early. I know many will hate to hear this. Especially young people. I can hear the objections: "But I’m a night-owl. I get most creative/productive during the night-time." I hear you. I used to think I was a night owl as well. But it doesn’t have to be like that. And perhaps you are. But unless you haven’t given the other road an honest try, how can you know for sure? There’s a good reason all the elderly seem to wake up super early and go to bed ridiculously early as well. They’ve learned that it works. They probably were scoffing at the idea when they were younger as well, but at some point most of us adults become humbled and fall in line with this as well. It simply works, and the longer you fight against it, the longer your life will suffer for it. It’s time to grow up and get yourself a sensible day rhythm. My only regret is that I didn’t start going to sleep early and waking up early earlier.

So, here it is. 10 common triggering behaviors and how to eliminate them. I suggest journaling about your own triggers every time you face a setback; a relapse. But you don’t have to relapse to modify your triggering behaviors; it can be done pre-emptively as well. As they say, the best defense is a good offense. Don’t be passive about your life; don’t simply go with the flow. You have the power to modify your life; your destiny. Do it. Don’t get discouraged about setbacks either. Simply figure out what doesn’t work and then modify your habits accordingly. You’ll get there eventually. At some point, things will simply click for you. Trust me on this!