Our lives are shaped by our habits, and our habits are shaped by our thoughts. What we think, we become. Think of yourself as a failure, and that is what you will be. Practice mental judo and turn your failures into successes.
I think it’s safe to say that the road to success in dropping a bad habit such as porn and masturbation can be a bumpy road. It’s rarely a straight road to victory. One should understand this and set it in his mindset from the beginning. When failure happens, it’s not a cause for despair, self-hatred, or depression (although relapsing does easily elicit just those emotions). One should realize that to win this game in the long run, it’s necessary to keep your mind on the goal. Looking back and dwelling on your mistakes is a sure way to lose focus. When a mistake happens, it’s time to reflect on the why and make the necessary adjustments. At that moment, it might be difficult to have faith, but try as you might. Make changes on things that matter. Be ruthless on bad habits that lead to the relapse; don’t be ruthless on yourself. Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend— never harshly. This is also crucial because bad self-talk leads to bad self-esteem, and bad self-esteem leads to relapse.
Say this to yourself if you fail:
“I might have lost a battle, but I haven’t lost the war. As long as I’m getting up, I haven’t truly failed.”
Failure example 1:
You had a moment of weakness, and you searched for a sexy actress's name online. You noticed yourself scrolling down the pictures of her before you snapped out of it. You panic. At this point, alarm bells should be ringing, but don’t panic. You made a blunder, but it’s still possible to adjust the course.
Solution:
Move away from the screen. Do anything else, or do nothing at all. This is a high-risk situation for your abstinence, but the temptation will pass. You might want to consider doing something that will make you focus your mind and naturally give you pleasure, such as meditation or exercise.
Failure example 2:
💡
You relapsed and have somehow managed to binge for the past X hours and/or X days. Again. Don’t panic. You have lost a battle or two and are battle bruised, but this isn’t the end.
Solution:
💡
Steel yourself for a moment and go back to the time before the relapses occurred, especially the first one. There is always a reason, so you might as well go and find it. You might have been slacking off on one or two of your disciplines, such as meditation or exercise. You might have started taking abstinence for granted: gained hubris, and engaged in risky behaviors such as doomscrolling online or drinking. Whatever it is, go back, search your memory, and find it. Journaling helps greatly with this. If you haven’t taken up journaling yet, I highly recommend it. It saved my life. This simple habit has made me several times more organized. Just try it! But I digress. Once you have recognized what led to the relapse, correct it. Start meditating again, stop drinking alcohol, or whatever it is. Now dust yourself off and get back to it. Realize that the first three days are the most difficult, so pay extra attention on a meticulous routine during these days. A good morning routine is a must. The way you start your day is the way it will go. If you wake up and the first thing you do in the morning is picking up your phone and start scrolling online, you are going to fail. There is no question about that. Ask yourself this: How many times have you felt like relapsing after a cold shower, a long meditation, or a 30-minute run?
In Summary:
Our lives are shaped by our habits, and our habits are shaped by our thoughts. What we think, we become. Think of yourself as a failure, and that is what you will be. Practice mental judo and turn your failures into successes. You haven’t lost the war; you have stumbled. Everyone stumbles. Get back on your feet, reassess the situation, and go after your dreams. You’ve got this. Don’t let your future self down again.
